Retirement Community Finds Deeper Social Connection Through My Neighbor’s Voice

On a sunny day in late September, I walked the halls of The Woodlands at Furman retirement community with Don Ferguson. Don, 84, has been a resident here for the past seven years. He and his late wife relocated from Hilton Head Island. In this short walk from his independent living apartment to the dining room, Don was greeted warmly by residents and staff alike. In the time we spent together, I could see how his charismatic personality makes him someone who is easy to like.

Following his wife’s passing in 2017, Don became involved in multiple social activities. One of these activities was a group formed by residents called Coffee and Conversations; residents would meet weekly on Saturday mornings to discuss a variety of topics.

“It was not structured,” Don recalls, “It was depending on whomever wanted to bring a question to discuss, excluding religion, politics, and condemning The Woodlands for any reason.”

“We had pretty much run the gauntlet of subjects we could discuss and the timing was perfect for us to find a new method of people socializing and having conversations and this is when we heard about My Neighbor’s Voice from another resident.” 

In April, Moffet Kendrick, a 98 year old resident of assisted living, was contacted by My Neighbor’s Voice board member and friend Ileana Shaner. Since Don was an active member of Coffee and Conversations, Moffet invited him to join this introductory meeting. Ileana explained how My Neighbor’s Voice functioned, its mission and goals, and showed them the Listening Cards. When Ileana explained that My Neighbor’s Voice was not necessarily a discussion group but a listening group, the pair decided to give it a try.

According to Don, they began by inviting the same group of residents who were already attending Coffee and Conversations. They kept the meeting time on Saturday mornings from 10 to 11 a.m.. Their first My Neighbor’s Voice meeting had a great turnout with 25 residents, which they divided into two tables with 12 people to a table. 

"We meet for only one hour each Saturday,” explains Don, “The first 45 minutes of that hour participants pass the decks of listening cards around the table, drawing a card, reading its question aloud and answering it within 3 minutes. During this period there isn’t any discussion. At 10:45 AM, discussion is opened at each table for any of the topics residents have answered that morning. At 11:00 AM, the morning’s session is completed."

“I could see right away that it would be difficult for the same moderators to conduct the activity every Saturday,” explains Don, “I immediately recruited other residents to be moderators and to go through the moderator training that (My Neighbor’s Voice co-founder) Victoria Chance offered.” 

Including Don, The Woodlands group has 10 residents trained as moderators. This allows them to have a rotation to accommodate burnout and other obligations, such as health issues and vacation time, Don describes.  

In terms of other changes they’ve had to make, Don addressed group sizes. 

“We decided that [12 to a table] was too many sitting around a table with our group,” he says, “So now we’re setting up 3 to 4 tables with about 4 to 5 residents at each table all in one large room.”

“That’s the way we’ve been operating it (since June) and it’s very successful,” states Don, “At the same time, The Woodlands became very interested in this and they said they’d do anything to help us attract residents (to participate).”

“As the group has grown, we have worked to ensure we find the residents suitable space for the event,” says Donald Lilly, Executive Vice President of the Woodlands, “It started as a small group of probably 10-12 people. Now they have 20-25 people sometimes. We provide a large meeting space with coffee and pastries to help them enjoy the experience.

Due to the support of Woodlands management, the My Neighbor’s Voice group is allowed to meet consistently in the same room at the same time, which reduces confusion for residents. They now meet in a private area of the dining room that residents call The Solarium, due to its floor to ceiling windows. 

“One big advantage is that (residents) don’t have to sign up for it,” Don explains, in contrast to  many other activities provided by The Woodlands.

Don says they have a core group of about 15 residents, mainly from independent living, who attend every Saturday. However, word has gotten around, as “we’re beginning to see a turnout of different faces each time, which is very encouraging.” 

On the value of implementing a My Neighbor’s Voice listening group at The Woodlands, Don was quick to emphasize the social environment. Because of the safe and special format of MNV, ensured by the use of timers, a trained moderator, copyrighted Listening Cards, and no discussion or pushback after each answer, residents learn what their neighbors think about a wide range of topics.

“The Woodlands does a really nice job at trying to get small groups together and this group satisfies that requirement,” explains Don, “people are meeting their neighbors they otherwise would not have met. We have people who have lived all over the world with various careers, education, and interests. So it’s exciting to get to know people other than their faces and their name tags you see in the hallways here.”

“The Woodlands hosts a population that is diverse with people who grew up in many sections of our country, and they have been employed in many interesting vocations,” agrees Boyd Cater, Woodlands resident and moderator, “Our residents are friendly and enjoy getting to know each other through sharing meals and activities with each other.  My Neighbor’s Voice gives them another experience in which to share ideas and their life stories in a safe environment. The listening component is a challenge for some, as they want to respond immediately instead of waiting for the open comment time, but we can good naturedly remind them that the open comment time is coming.”

Don seconds the notion that his fellow residents find it hard to stay silent while another participant is answering their listening card. “You’ll see people shaking their heads or smiling and you know what they’re thinking,” says Don, “And then the deck is moved to the next person and they answer a new card from the deck.” 

“There’s a wealth of experience with people our age,” says Don,  “It’s interesting to hear everybody thinking about different aspects. [My Neighbor’s Voice] adds a new dimension because of the deep experience people have had that live here, including some residents over 100 years old, and it’s so rewarding to hear them talk about when they were born.”

“It provides a safe container to be candid on timely topics with your neighbors,” says Rex Meade, Woodlands resident and moderator, “I enjoy leading and improving worthy processes. That was my career as an Organization Psychologist. [My Neighbor’s Voice] facilitates a proven process to engage others to share their perspectives and tell their stories and life experiences.”

“I really enjoyed the session I attended. It was great to hear our residents' perspective on current and past issues,” says Donald Lilly, “We often get caught in a dynamic that doesn’t allow me to hear their perspectives on these kinds of topics. This was a great way to learn more about our residents and their unique history and point of view.”

“This is not really a discussion group,” says Don, “It is a listening group to teach all of us to be better listeners and listen to the positions and viewpoints of our fellow residents that we might never hear in the dining room or any other communal events.”

“I believe incorporating My Neighbor’s Voice has allowed our residents to learn more about the neighbors with whom they share our community,” says Donald Lilly, “This often leads to better relationships and a richer community environment.” 

“I would highly encourage (other retirement communities to start a My Neighbor’s Voice group,” says Don, “It provides something to look forward to doing and, in retirement, most people are always looking forward to, and planning for, the next event in life. They can also look forward to the questions that are on the Listening Cards because they’re all different and span nine different topics.” 

The success of The My Neighbor’s Voice listening group at The Woodlands has inspired other local retirement communities. MNV Board Chair Celeste Purdie introduced the listening session to Legacy Reserve at Fairview Park, where her mother-in-law lives. In September, Celeste began leading two listening sessions per month for independent living residents. In October, Celeste was asked to lead a session for assisted living residents as well. Similarly, starting in January, My Neighbor’s Voice moderator Camaron Thomas will be leading an introductory course on MNV at the Senior Action Center, a nonprofit that provides activities for senior community members.

To learn more about how MNV can add depth and connection in your community, contact My Neighbor’s Voice at myneighborsvoice@gmail.com.